Topic of the week? Parents. No surprise there. With their every return I'm driven further and further towards madness. What used to be a mere statement to make my dad proud of me has turned into a mess. Studying business is not my thing. I've faced that a year ago. My abilities do not consist of studying things like law and economics. Numbers, I can deal with. But business is such a subjective topic that it can go either way. Just because I'm the daughter of an economics professor does not mean that I inherited his smart-ness. Yes, I can admit I have some smarts hidden somewhere, and were I to try extremely hard, I'd be able to scrape in a second class upper. But that's the thing. My passion has always been towards teaching. And studying business and being looked at by other business students as a waste of time is not something I handle well. Of course, no one has said such things in my face. In fact, I don't think anyone knows that I want to be a teacher besides a certain few. But those who do really question my reasoning to studying in a British university to graduate with a degree and then do my masters, only to be a school teacher. I'd be happy to just study in a university in NZ and live life peacefully there rather than go through the daily hell now.
Since February its the same things. "You failed. You're a disgrace. You didn't try hard enough." Worst part? It's not just my parents. Family members are on my case, expressing their disappointments in my failures too. Seriously, to those who read this, back off. You may pass it off as a joke, but to me it kills me. Any talk about how badly I did for my exams makes me feel bad. And with people who I love slowly leaving me, I'm hanging on a string now holding all my emotions to myself.
My breakup has been hard. Yes, I've decided to speak about it. 6 years later, after numerous talks about getting married and having kids together., after meeting his parents countless times, after bringing him to meet my friends, after meeting his friends. He finally decides to cut the relationship short. The reason? He wants to be single. This is not a hate post. Its a disappointed post. Every night and every day I distract myself by putting myself into my books, and playing music to sing along. But there's always something to remind me that I can't call you mine anymore. I see things all over my house bought or belonging to you. Your t-shirts in my drawer, the shoes you bought me, the shirts you bought me, the keychain that hangs from my car keys. It's hard now that you're gone and I wish you'd come back. I don't think things will ever be the same after this, and I wish there would have been a little more consideration from you when you said those words, but it's not like things can be changed now. Slowly, we go into a realm where we're barely friends. Just the occasional pop-by on msn like the 300 other friends I have on my list. It's amazing how 6 years comes to this.
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